Afraid.

Im sorry to bother ya late night like this, but i just couldnt take it anymore or store it in me, it was just hard to do so. I dont know what or where it went wrong, but i just couldnt contain it in me anymore. Its making my heart thumping faster as days gone by. Im afraid to close my eyes down. And just let things be for i am not that sorta kind.

I cant rest well or eat well, well maybe because i missed ya much but that wouldnt stop or do anything will it. I guess, all i can do was just sit back and try to relax if i could. Im afraid to close my eyes down and rest my head, as i am scared real bad. I am afraid of my own nightmares, afraid of my own shadow that will consume me, afraid that i might loose something which i want it so badly that i cant take the pressure of it anymore.

You said, i was a lil immature, well i disagree on that, cause no matter what i do or what i had in my mind or my hand, i take em serious and would not let it be just like this. I may sounded naive or it maybe some sorta speech that was taken from a movie or a tag line. But im pretty sure i didnt take anything from there or anywhere to just get close to ya heart and sit right by your side. In fact, i wanna be by your side always.

I dont know how to tell it to ya, as i am afraid that i will ruin things and will let things be worst than what it is right now. You said you didnt want strings attached, but for me just aint the right time to show ya a diamond ring and had strings attached but least give me a chance to prove the years to come by that i be that man to bring ya a diamond ring and show things to ya. Im openin myself up to ya with trust, faith, and confidence. But i cant see nothing from ya or ya hand. Its like i had ya in my mind and heart but not ya presence round.

Its already 5:23am, but i am still wide awake, i am so afraid of closing them eyes and just let the day go by. I am so afraid that i am lost within my own dreams and never come back life again. I am afraid that i will just lie down there, with thoughts of happiness in you in it but i can never felt ya in reality. I am afraid of loosin ya..afraid that you will leave me alone, and didnt wanna go back there to where i was once alone walking the dark alley down to my own faith empty handed.

Wherever you are...

I'm telling you
I softly whisper
Tonight tonight
You are my angel

I love you
We will become one
Tonight tonight
I just say...

Wherever you are, I always make you smile
Wherever you are, I'm always by your side
Whatever you say, you're always on my mind
I promise you "forever" right now

I don't need a reason
I just want you baby
Alright alright
Day after day

We still have a long journey ahead
Please always, always,
until death, stay with me
We carry on...

Wherever you are, I always make you smile
Wherever you are, I'm always by your side
Whatever you say, you're always on my mind
I promise you "forever" right now

Wherever you are, I never make you cry
Wherever you are, I never say goodbye
Whatever you say, you're always on my mind
I promise you "forever" right now

To us, the day we met is the day
we should commemorate the most.
Then, this day called "today" is the day
we should commemorate the second most.

Someone I can love from my heart.
Someone I love from my heart.
In the center of my love,
you, my heart, are there.

Wherever you are, I always make you smile
Wherever you are, I'm always by your side
Whatever you say, you're always on my mind
I promise you "forever" right now

Nonsense.

I kinda find it in a way that it is interesting enough for me to endure the long weeks while you're gone. But of course it will bring back bad memories and as well as crucial times that i felt like i needed ya attention for the moment but i guess it will blow your mind apart and yea, bothering ya but i think i will not do so. And just leave ya for the week and hope things will come.

And yes my dear, your heart is indeed with me here though you're a lil too far away. Guess what, i am gonna take this whole week, a consideration on cardio and diet exercise. Yes, hopefully i can actually have the will and strength to pull myself together and doing other stuffs which brings us closer. Or so, for the future.

Well, i may be unpredictable at times but i can be very easily be seen. To be honest, i think i have already into your rabbit hole thus making me falling deeper and i cant actually bail out but i am willingly to fall it..hahhahahaa...i may not sound mature or serious but i will do what i can to change and perhaps that is my normal attitude that id rather find more amusing that just being...stiff like a wood.

This doesnt sound like me but i am tryin my best to hold onto a piece of my own. So yea, i be holding on my G.R.I.N.D (Get ready its a new day.)

Mind Blocked

Ive been nocturnal for some time now. And it was just hard to sleep back when you just tend to think and think more. I made a promise that i will never be thinking much and as well as not being too over emo to it. But yea, so im still awake typing this..which is what is in my mind about and listenin to some tunes that hopefully will serenade me to sleep again.

If not mistaken, prolly in my blog most of the time i have been nocturnal and havin trouble thoughts. But what the hell, i just hope people would actually understand me on the inside, rather than just lookin at me like some clown, and as well as a lunatic as most would say..hahaha..

So, yea thinking kills..but i just cant help it. But wonder...why, what and how or would it be. If its bout career, i do hope i get a good offer in a big company and making something outta myself and doin something which people would recon me and of course climbing up to that level. Family, im just the only kid in the house, what do ya think...a lil worried of course for both them ol folks. But at the same time they are supportive over me..hahhaa...but its good to hear that still, a lil worried. Girlfriend, well i just hope i could make it happen with her throughout the journey of what we are facing though its a lil distant. Yea, i loved the way of who she is and what is her. I just get so lost between her eyes and not knowing what comes next but i like the surprises part where you just wanna make things so much better for the future. =)

p.s if ya reading this,  i just want you to know that i love you no matter what and hey, im always here for ya aye.

the phat fam, no worries, desmond is always on the side lines for some laughter and good moments forever wit ya'll. Still alive aint lost that's all.

Taking the SH!t

Work pressure, aint that what we all are facing now. Since we all have grown up. I should actually say that i was pretty lucky to have a great mentor and as well as a good friend. He brushed me up like i was in a boot camp, shit up and screw my ass till the top of the mountain. Indeed, it was all in a good way.

He once told me, workin in an adrenaline rush company, you will face the pressure and fun of doing so, but pressure it what we are the maker of it. In a way it was kinda true when you really sit down and think bout it. Just when you already face the bad shit and side of the work. Lockin yourself in the storage room and think of it. Things just get kinda bad but you endure it.

Id say i did blow up my moments and yes, i did things which i hurt peoples feeling so bad that i was a total jerk. But in the end, i realized it that i was on the wrong and where i should actually organize my stuffs in an orderly manner so i could complete them no matter what. Well, every now and then you just have the guts to screw it up, but everyday is a learnin day so we learn and adapt.

I manage my work, family and relationship due to what i had learn from the hard way, not the highway moments. But yea, it was a great deal and i did manage without screwing things up. Havin an extra time with my family on the dinning table, chattin bout work and what's the solution to things which i am so not ready to it. And of course my relationship, it was a ray of sunshine to see when you get to see your dearest there...hahhahahaha

The moments of telling her the experience and troubles you faced before. Learning what in and whats out. We share. Well i do hope she does know what im tryna say here and as well as i was there to hear hers as well..hmmm..oh and as for myself, well i do have time fo the guys and making good moments and funny loads out in the streets. Aint we all have the moments of it.

Pressure at work and home has a whole lotta different feel. Work is where you start jump shit on everything and making things easy for yourself than for people and of course being polite and at a good manner. But at home, what the hell...that pressure is pleasure indeed.

Just so you know...

Days just gone by and minutes just passes and fly by. But sometimes filling up the days with things that you're suppose to do arent just the only options that you have. Thinkin too much might kill, quite true though. And eventually i think its killing me to the point that i should not have gone to.

Telling it out might ruin everything including the relationship and the chances of colliding like chemistry instead of geography. Distance, well it has nothing to do but the minds of the person and willingness of the person itself. Gladly i must say, i aint the sort of guy which actually worries much on that as i had faith n put trust into it. Yes, trust...its kinda hard to actually write an essay out here and just tell it to the people or you just wanna express. Cause a person like me, most likely to show expressions and very deep thought to things.

By chance, if only you would have seen me and see this of what im typing it out to words that comes from the mouth and heart of mine, you'd  prolly be feeling a lil wierd and yea...cute?! LOL..that i total lol-ness i gotta admit.

So yea, things had changed for the past months and life moves on normal like how everday would be. Waking up, thinking of the day and how it would be, and hell yea...with having you filling in the life of mine is just so much different.

How different i say, well...you made me lost in the eye sight of yours though the way you said it was small and squinty..but i gotta admit im lost within. Hoping that everyday would be just fine and better, cmin back and hear ya voice and prolly you asking me how was my day as not many would do so. Id be glad that i came back to the home have you hugged me for dinner and asking bout each other's day progress. No matter big or small, interesting or non of it the above, headache or none headache, or maybe a solution to things that will have together. 2 heads are better than 1 aye. So yea, i was fantasizing and dreaming and it was pretty naive of me to do so and think so. But im more happy, you brought me to a level where i felt that i am me again, young and natural. I dont have to hide or just to impress ya or what..but im much carefree when im with ya.

Dont ask my how or why or whichever, but i just felt the way. It was a good feeling, a feeling that i was looking for a long time. Yes we all do have our dark past and so what not to ever happen but, im willing to change and head for a good start wit ya and be a better man or person or whatever you wanted me to be.

I guess i be updating more post as i just have loads to tell but just not the right moment now. =)

Anyhow, how was ya day?? Hey no matter what you know im just right here k..i aint invisible or some...but always by your side.

Its all about you.

It's all about you (it's about you)
It's all about you baby (it's all about)
It's all about you (it's about you)
It's all about you

Verse 1:
Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile, it's all about you
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too
Said you'd make my life worthwhile, it's all about you

Chorus:
And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles, it's all about you, yeah!



Chorus 2:
And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes you make my life worthwhile
So I told you with a smile
It's all about you

It's all about you (it's about you)
It's all about you baby (it's all about)
It's all about you (it's about you)
It's all about you baby (it's all about)